tough as nails

March 11, 2019 | Comments Off

I actually left the house yesterday, and it was to go somewhere other than to see my pain management doctor! I know, I know. Alert the media. We were going to go out Saturday, but that didn’t end up working out for me after all. I never want to go anywhere when I first wake up. Between my pain and anxiety, doing anything just doesn’t seem like anything I want to do. But now I’m giving myself some time to wake up and unwind, take a pain pill, lay on the heating pad, and use some medical marijuana first – and then I feel more positive about the whole going out thing. But Saturday my pain pills weren’t sufficient, so things never improved. Sunday, though, I woke up, felt a bit better, and decided to do some of the things we talked about doing the day before.

First, we went to this nail salon that I found online that was open on a Sunday. OMG. That was the tiniest space for one that I have ever seen. It was like the size of a hallway – loooooong and narrow. They were packed, so we almost came back home because I was super annoyed. But he said we should go get our phones, and I decided to just keep going. Then, we passed another salon that was open, and it was gorgeous inside.

Look at their pedicure basins!

pretty pedicure basins

I snapped this photo of my new nails while we were at the phone store.

new nails

I’ve been feeling pretty good about the state of my fingers lately. I haven’t been able to get a manicure in well over a year, due to my Excoriation Disorder, also known as skin picking disorder and dermatillomania. I have been tearing apart my fingers since my teens. I’ve written about it twice here before. It’s not something I regularly advertise because it’s rather embarrassing and uncomfortable to talk about. But I’ve been bookmarking pictures of nails for the future, like holiday-specific nails. I’ve wanted to do Xmas (best holiday ever!) nails for the past two years and have never been successful enough to do it. I’m hoping with my new tools that I actually can make it this time, or at least go longer than three months, which is the longest I’ve ever gone without a relapse. Wish me luck.

Then, we finally got the newest iPhones. I am late to the game, I know. I mean, it’s nice to have the latest and greatest, but it’s super annoying to have to relearn how to use a phone. Also, my passwords didn’t transfer over like they did the last time we upgraded, so that’s a pain in the ass, too.

Grabbing an early dinner was the last thing we did. I wasn’t dressed nicely and I didn’t have on makeup, so I felt like a bum. But, really, this whole outing was worth it because it made Mark happy. He initially was annoyed that I was changing his plans for the day, but he shrugged that off pretty quickly. I really should do this type of thing more often for him because he just wants us doing things out in the world together. Even though I prefer to not be in the world, I’m hoping I can be better about this, especially now that I’m paying more attention to why things affect me the way that they do. As I said above, I need to really ease into my days. Goddamn, I sound entitled. I know I’m lucky I have the time to think things through like this.

Anyway, now I still have to get a haircut. I’ve been trying to get this done for months now. Yes, i have been that ridiculous. I only want to get one when we can go out after because I’m not wasting that blowout on my pillows. So, yes, I do it for a man, even though he doesn’t give a single shit what I look like (within reason). What the fuck do I care about my own hair at this point? All he sees, though, is hair in a bun, no makeup, and nightgowns. Sure, I would prefer to remain like that. Hell, it’s easier on my chronic pain to do less, so taking that extra time to wear nice clothes and put makeup on is totally not for me at all. It’s just because I want to look nice for him.

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