once again

November 28, 2010 | Comments Off

I was going to video the Christmas decorations today, but I put it off too long. I napped and now it’s too dark out. Well, there’s always tomorrow! Or maybe I should wait until Friday after the cleaner leaves. Hmm. Anyway, after just two days, everything is finally all done and up! And the house looks cozier/warmer now, which is super nice.

So I’m on day three and a half of super intense back pain. Yesterday I didn’t help out as much as I wanted to, and Mark was very nasty to me. I understand he hates decorating, though he likes the end result, but the way he yelled at me was terrible. I hate when he brings out the “he’s nothing other than a caretaker” card and says he’s unhappy and other ugly things to me. I know part of it is stress and part of it is the truth. But when I’m resorting to drinking booze so I can dull some of the pain so I can help out, that’s not the appropriate time to be a dick.

That being said, he almost bought me a Sunbeam mixer today when he was out getting groceries, but it only came in black which wouldn’t match our stuff. He messed around with the bowls (which spin on the bottom) and said everything was easy to manipulate. So if next weekend works out and I can go out (and I know I’ve been saying that for weeks now), I’ll take a look at that one and maybe buy it in white or stainless steel online.

I hope I get a pain break tomorrow because I have to go online and order Xmas toys for the furbabies before the deals run out. Mark doesn’t think they need anything else (of course), but I think they could use some larger stuff that they’ll want to smack around. I just want them to play more on their own. I hope it works out and they like their stuff. My mom is giving me cash to put towards these bigger ticket items (instead of her just buying them more little mice and balls) under the condition that she sees them open their presents on Xmas Eve. Done.

Also, I have two questions for my disability lawyer that I never got around to asking last week: 1) did they get my latest MRI? and 2) since it’s going on 3,000 years and we still don’t have a court date, is there some sort of follow-up that I should be doing? So tomorrow I’ll call over there too.

I feel like I should have had more gratitude last week when my pills were working and I had relief. This unending pain for over three days now literally makes me want to kill myself. I mean, what is the point in feeling this way all the time? I am definitely going to mention it to the new doctor when I see him in a few weeks. My last doctor said the next step in pain meds would be to surgically insert a pain pump under a muscle in my stomach, but that really scares me. I’m hoping he can look at this situation (all the things I’ve tried and all the meds I’ve been on) and see my back with a fresh eye – and recommend something else. But I do feel like I need more pain relief.

Now I’m going to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner and watch last night’s episode of Downsized. That mom and her gourmet coffee habit storyline was ridiculous. Is there really a choice between rent and a cafe mocha? Her whining about how she needs to drink it because she’s tired all the time from ms got no sympathy from me. Bitch, get a coffee pot, some Maxwell House, and a thermos – and shut the hell up.

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