hitting more turbulence

February 24, 2019 | Comments Off

Mark went to see his primary care doctor for a checkup. Now this doctor is worried about that lung scan diagnosis he got when he had cancer surgery. His scans showed that he has centrilobular emphysema. Mark emailed his pulmonary doctor, but he wasn’t very concerned; he thinks mark was just one of those born with some junk (bullae) in his lungs. He wasn’t even going to get a second opinion, so I am glad this doctor chimed in. He’s scheduling two more tests. Now I have this to be scared about, right after things had just started to settle down.

In other news, I ordered white bedding for my purple bedroom for the spring and summer. I am done (for now) with the trying-to-purple-match madness. Mark thinks white is ridiculous due to the fact that we have cats and that I eat food in bed. I mean, he’s probably not wrong. I just hope it lasts for a little bit at least. I also ordered grey blankets for the living room. Mark alternates between sleeping in the guest room and on the couch, and all these non-matching blankets were driving me absolutely crazy. They just don’t go with the color scheme of the living room! He was using a purple castoff, a homemade Steelers quilt, and a duplicate comforter (white, grey, and black) of the one currently on the guest bed. When the blankets aren’t put away and all those colors are right in front of me, my senses go nuts. Alas, the new grey comforter isn’t heavy enough for his liking. I’ve decided to let the ugliness go for a few more weeks as he keeps using just the duplicate for the remainder of the season. Maybe by next year I’ll get all this stupid shit figured out.

I was planning on going out this weekend, but this time my back pain was the reason I couldn’t make it out, not my crazy brain. Also, the night before, my fucking vape pen started blinking red, and it needed to be charged. It usually does an “every color of the rainbow” thing when a charge is warranted, so I panicked at first. Mark was in the worst mood this same night, and I figured it was due to a combination of his doctor’s visit and that he just spent some time paying the bills. When he gets snippy with me, it doesn’t make me want to be around him, let alone fight through the anxiety I feel just to spend time with him. That aside, I was willing to do it. But I did a bunch of things that night that I never do, and it was too much for my body. I had a feeling that my back might pay the price the next day, so I was super annoyed when he didn’t help me out once he saw me doing them. I did a lot of bending and carrying as I was ridding the upstairs of blankets, putting the wall-high candelabra back together, and such. And now, for two days afterwards, I’ve been in a lot more pain than I usually am in. The pain went from burning to pinching to deep. I eventually noticed that I tensed up my shoulders when I was hurting. Right before bed, I have been regularly trying to scan my body to relax it; I especially need to remember to relax my entire body during these more intense times. It also sucks that the things I usually rely on to help “distract” my mind (reading, writing, watching tv) aren’t doing very much for me right now.

Lastly, apparently I incorrectly embedded 20,000,000 pictures in the anniversary/treehouse/trip post, so now I need to redo them. Goddamnit. It looks like we will be back from our 25-year anniversary trip before I even get this one uploaded.

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