my own worst enemy

February 18, 2019 | Comments Off

It’s still been pretty quiet around here, and that’s okay by me. I’m a creature of habit, so when shit hits the fan, I don’t adapt well. Years ago, I used to be able to bob and weave easily, but now I find doing so incredibly difficult.

Let’s see. Lulu is eating better again, thankfully. At bedtime I am back to giving her a decent-sized fist full of treats (within reason), and she eats them all! It warms my cold, black heart. The boys are doing just fine, too. Things are tense right now between Mark and me, though. First, he only got me a card for Valentine’s Day because he was too busy to even think about it. I appreciate he’s working hard to pay the bills (and credit card debt), but I still felt slighted. See, when he moved to a new building, their office gave them welcome gifts. One of these was a four-pack of the best fucking chocolates I’ve ever had in my entire life ever ever ever. I’ve been asking him to find out where they came from – for months now. I hinted multiple times about these chocolates and Valentine’s Day. Alas, no. And I asked him to take me to get my hair done and to go out, but my brain said no when my anxiety kicked in. He was very angry that, again, he set time aside and I cancelled the plans. I don’t appreciate him being an asshole to me for the remainder of the day because of something I cannot control. On the other hand, I get it. But, see, I realized that I only took a pot pill when I should have vaped instead. Showering the night before helped because it was one less thing I had to do in the morning before leaving. So I’m trying to piece it all together so next time things all fall into place. So, yes, shower the night before, vape, and give myself time to meltdown and calm down. I never ever want to go anywhere when I first wake up but that can change if I have time to rest my back and medicate myself properly. I’ve noticed maybe twice now that after I’ve taken pills and calmed down that things look a little less daunting. It’d also be helpful if Mark had a backup plan for each time we make plans. This way maybe he wouldn’t pout and be as angry with me.

So let’s talk outside critters! After not seeing my deer family for a couple of weeks, the three of them were literally walking right up the middle of the street! They were slowly taking their time, and it was the cutest. Casper/Sugar, after about a week of not stopping by, finally visited us. He was in a bad mood and scratched Mark. Yikes. He’s been here two other times and is a bit growl-ly with Mark. As he’s such a friendly cat, I wonder if he had a bad encounter with a male somewhere along the way. I gave him another catnip toy, and he lost his mind with it. Moo Kitty stopped by after not visiting for about three months. She ate like a little piggy, and she never eats. I thought we’d see her the next day for food, but we haven’t seen her since. We have a new itty bitty raccoon who has started showing up, and he’s very, very friendly. He even followed Mark all around the carport. He saw Nabi, the neighbor kitty, and ran right up a tree. She is the neighborhood enforcer. Anyway, he lifts his right leg up when he runs, but he seems to walk with it okay. Poor baby. I read that boy raccoons are looking quite beat up lately because of mating season. If a female doesn’t want to get frisky when she’s approached, she will not be super receptive. We had a big, friendly guy show up the other night with wounds on his neck and surrounding his left eye. It’s awful to see. I also saw my twin raccoons after a long, long, long time of not seeing them. That being said, each time we get a couple inches of snow, I love looking at all the animal tracks in it and trying to guess whose is whose. Deer? Fox? Possum? Raccoon? Squirrel? Bird? Cat?

You know how people lose socks? Well, apparently, I lose pillowcases. When the cleaner now makes the master bed, it’s missing two pillowcases. How can this be? I just ordered two more not that long ago. I just don’t get it. And, speaking of covers to things, I had to order replacement cushions for our furniture in the sunroom. When Mark had baseball friends over to bbq, one of them got salsa on a cushion in the two seconds it took him to walk from the kitchen to the patio. And some other things have gotten on the cushions that I can’t even explain because that room is basically never used except by the cats. I guess they have some explaining to do. Two cushions are even ripped because, like a dummy, I didn’t zip them closed before washing. They’re all flipped over now, and the damage can’t be seen. I’ll keep them on until something else happens, and then they’ll go into the garbage. Oh. Actually I don’t have the ottomans in there right now; there’s only one side to them so they couldn’t flip. But these cushions are all made of sunbrella fabric, and now I have a website filled with tips on how to clean sunbrella based on stain. Anyway, I called at the end of December to get a price and called back after a month to place the order. He said he remembered us discussing that they were half off, which we actually didn’t discuss. I said I remembered, though, and I ended up saving $250 on them!

That reminds me of the recent pink sweater saga. This year I set out to buy a pink sweater because I just didn’t have one that fit anymore, and I kinda think my face looks rosier when I wear pink. So I found one I liked and bookmarked it. Once I went back to purchase it, it wasn’t there any longer. I chatted online with customer service and was told that it was discontinued. I asked two other times if it was ever expected to come back into stock and was repeatedly told it was “discontinued.” Imagine my surprise, when in my Facebook feed a month or so later, I see this very sweater being advertised by them – and it’s even on sale! I clicked and there it was. I was pissed because I bought another pink sweater online elsewhere. I left a comment and eventually ended up in Facebook chat with someone who pretended to understand my frustration. In the end, I ended up saying if they weren’t going to give it to me for free that I was going to write a bad post about them at my site. Yeah, I was probably high, and I cannot believe it actually worked. Anyway, she gave me a $25 gift card, and the sweater was on sale for $26.99. That’s close enough. So now I have two pink sweaters, and I never leave the house.

Lastly, my back pain. I don’t write about it much anymore because what is there to say other than it fucking sucks? It’s very limiting to be in this cycle of pain.

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