dream a little dream

September 8, 2018 | Comments Off

I have a few recurring dreams. I only had one for most of my life, and now I have a bunch of them. In them, I’m either in high school, in college, or still teaching. They’re not always the same thing time and again, but they all center around similar stuff. Actually, I’ve been having another one, but I can’t quite recall what’s going on; this one has only been happening for like the past three days. Anyway, here is a little bit about the ones I do recall, and these have been happening for a few years now.

So for the high school ones, I am being forced to redo high school by my mother, even though I was already both a college graduate and teacher. While in these dreams I’m in my 30s, I am able to pass for younger. I’m not getting good grades at all, and I’m frustrated. This prompts me to skip classes, and sometimes I go to the second floor of this high school’s library to hide out. Also, some popular kids, people I actually went to school with, are being horrible to me – and, no, I am not reliving shit; everyone coexisted back then nicely as far as I could tell. For the college dreams, they center around me not being able to find the right classroom. Eventually, they’re about me living in a dorm, but I am not interested in going to classes. I don’t want to tell my mom, who is paying for my education, that I don’t withdrawal from each one after I stop going to them because I want to stay at school with friends and guys. For my teaching dreams, there’s not a twist to those at all – I’m still teaching just like I used to do back in the day.

Speaking of teaching, now that I’ve read fostering blogs and learned about trauma and neglect, I think I’d be a much more compassionate teacher. I think having that information would have helped me help the students I had in alternative school (kids who, for the most part, were kicked out of the regular day school program). Honestly, I found them hard to relate to, and I had a firm line drawn in the sand with regards to my expectations. I like to think that at least I was consistent and that a lot of them needed some consistency in their lives. That being said, my favorite grade and level to teach was ninth grade college prep, and that’s when I felt the most alive as a teacher. Teaching kids who were excited to be entering high school and who wanted to learn was a far cry from the alternative school. I eventually wanted to go back to that, but I got sick (thyroid) and ended up switching careers. Anyway, I’d absolutely hate to be teaching today, though, especially now with social media, video, and so on. Not that I’d do anything wrong, but everyone has a goddamned opinion about every little thing these days. In addition, I watched Undercover High on A&E, and I got to see the way social media affects students. OMG. It could already be horrible with the way kids talk to each other and about each other, but to have those opinions and ideas shared online for everyone to see? Hell no. One girl on that show was accidentally added to a group text where guys from her school and other schools were talking about wanting to rape her. I mean, I can’t even imagine being a kid in high school these days. In general, I am also glad that I didn’t have social media when I was in my 20s. With my obsessive personality and the things I say when I’m mad, well, I would have been in jail. Whew!

In college, before English became my major, I was an engineering major because of my brother. He told me since I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I was smart enough that I should study engineering and make big money. Haha. I did that for one semester. I was also temporarily a Spanish major. I looooved Spanish in high school, and I still love the language to this day. But after I realized the necessity of traveling overseas and being immersed in the culture and language, I knew it wasn’t in the cards for me; my parents were paying for college, and my mother would never allow me to go abroad. Sometimes I also wonder what I would study if I were 18 again and just starting college. I think that, in order of preference, I’d do Spanish, English, public relations, and marketing. My last job was in communications, and I enjoyed the work I did while at the synagogue – website design, editing, flyers, calendars, newsletters, and such. My favorite college classes were all of my Spanish courses (before I switched) and American English grammar (diagramming sentences was my jam). I also sort of liked Art Appreciation a lot too. I despised anything to do with science, especially chemistry. I really struggled with my grade in that class (I think it was a B something). Once in my major, I had a hard time with Victorian literature; I’d literally cry out of frustration when I couldn’t understand a majority of the works. I know that class was my lowest grade ever; I think it was a B- maybe. I remember getting so annoyed that my friend Tom (I called him Tom from Toms River, and he wrote poems about necrophilia) aced every test he took without reading a single thing. My parents paid for my college, and my friends’ parents paid for theirs too. We all lived at home with them. I wonder what it would have been like if I had lived with a roommate and worked to put myself through school. Yes, it would have been harder, but it obviously would have been such a different experience and outcome. I, for sure, would have gone the Spanish route.

Oh yeah! I just remembered another dream that I’ve also had a few times during the past couple of months. Mark and I are living with my parents, and we own two houses. We need to renovate the second one and are thinking of just selling it instead and staying put in the first house, even though we aren’t even in it to begin with.

Any dream analysts out there? I used to be good at figuring out what certain dreams meant, but I haven’t even begun to look at these.



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