yet another huge heartbreak

July 19, 2018 | Comments Off

Pacey journeyed to Furbaby Heaven on September 7th, 2016, just about five months after Basia passed away. He was a little over sixteen years-old when he was diagnosed with lymphoma in the Mesenteric lymph nodes and spleen.

It began with him being lethargic and not eating much. This led to an ultrasound and the lymphoma diagnosis. The oncologist, the same one we used with Kip, said he should respond well to chemotherapy given the type and location of the cancer. He had one treatment, but he unfortunately got worse. He started eating less and less but would eat off of a spoon if I offered it to him that way. His next oncologist appointment was the day (maybe next day?) he started hiding and not eating at all. He then had another ultrasound which showed the cancer had spread. I felt it was time to send him to Furbaby Heaven then and there since he looked so miserable. Mark suggested bringing him home and having him put to sleep there. I didn’t want him to be hurting and uncomfortable any longer, so we did it at that office visit with him on my lap. It all happened so incredibly quickly – too quickly; it was about four to six weeks from the diagnosis to his passing.

I found Pacey on petfinder. He had these huge ears – and a sad story about how depressed he was because all his siblings (all sisters) had been adopted and he was the only one left. I was telling Mark about him, and he told me that I better not fill out the application. I replied with, “oops!” This was back when I was still teaching high school English. Mark had to pick him up from his foster mom. They were spending time together, and Mark got annoyed with me after I came home from work. See, he said Pacey forgot all about him and “fell in love” with me. And that’s the way it remained – he was a mama’s boy. He even slept on my neck as a kitten! Pacey was actually originally named Mark because his long, thin tail curled up at the top like a question mark. After Kip passed away, Pacey ruled the house. He had a sweet tooth. He’d become stiff as a board whenever I’d pick him up. He had such a distinct walk that I really miss; we could always tell when he was the one headed in our direction. He liked sleeping in any and all cat beds, especially his catball. He liked to burrow under covers and would drool in his sleep. Pacey was ridiculously photogenic; he never ever took a bad picture, and it was like he was always posing! I miss seeing his white leg whiskers and watching him stare at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d always extend one paw out while lounging. His favorite toy in the whole wide world was this thick tan hair band of mine. After a zillion years, it ended up with holes in it and was unraveling. We’d freak out if we couldn’t find it easily, and we’d put it back on the living room area rug which was the home base for it. Pacey was always ridiculously smart; for example, he could open doors and would watch very closely how most things were done. But the thing I miss the absolute most is our bedtime routine. He’d stare at me when he wanted me to go to sleep. He hated when Mark & I would talk to each other from separate bedrooms, so much so that he even nipped at my face once so I’d shut up. He was an expert spooner and his little grey body would curl perfectly into mine. I have a nighttime ritual speech that I say (I now use most of it for Sam), and Pacey would listen to it and to me talking about the day or upcoming events. As soon as I’d say the words “goodnight,” he knew I was done, and he’d put his head down to go to sleep. I also never minded how he’d walk right on me to get back into his spooning position after drinking some water in the middle of the night. And there’s still a giant hole in my heart, of course. Loss never goes away. I can’t help but think how much he’d like the sunroom here in our new house. But he’s with his other passed siblings now, and there is comfort in knowing that he’s surrounded by all of those sweet babies. And now he can play with all the snakes and mice he wants to without wondering if his mean mama will stop his fun!

Pacey Man, we can’t wait to see you again!

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