mobile vet’s thoughts

May 21, 2014 | Comments Off

I was obviously still really struggling with Eva dying and with my guilty conscience over not having done enough, even though Eva herself had set me free from that, and on April 16 I sent my mobile vet an email that read:

I need to talk to you about Eva when you have time. I’m still crying all the time because I think I should/could have done more in the weeks before or the day of to help her. If it was cancer, why did [the emergency vet] ask if she had been around any rat poison (which, of course, she hadn’t)? Nobody knows for sure, then, right? If I had taken her in three weeks sooner, after all the diarrhea passed through all the pets and I still felt she was “off”, maybe she’d still be here? What if I had taken her to [the emergency vet] as soon as her tummy started hurting her after she came home from seeing you? Or right after you got her bloodwork results in that night? I’m wracked with guilt that she was dying right in front of me and I did nothing because I thought it was dehydration.

She replied to me with:

I am so sorry you’re suffering about Eva. Eva’s last day was very tragic and completely unexpected. She was bright and alert for her exam and was trying to climb to the top of the scale to check out everything. Her x-rays had no indication of cancer. I did worry about cancer once I saw how high her white blood cell count was. It was either a bad infection or cancer. I have never seen a pet go down so fast. I think they originally asked about rat poison because of how quickly her condition changed. Once the internist did the ultrasound they saw that she had carcinomatosis of the omentum (cancer in the tissue that holds her intestines together). This isn’t usally big tumors…’s lots of little tumors throughout the fatty tissue between her intestine. It is very common for dogs to have an explosive event and have something rupture (like their spleen or liver if there is cancer). however, I in 15 years, have never seen that happen in a cat. [the emergency vet] felt it was very odd as well.

In retrospect I should have told you to go to [the emergency vet] sooner. However, she looked so good that morning – I figured she was just dehydrated and nauseous ……I was worried after the blood came back that she was either septic from a bad infection somewhere or had cancer….however, I still was not expecting her to be so sick when I got there.

Even if we would have run bloodwork 2 weeks earlier….maybe we would have had an ultrasound sooner….however, with how fast this progressed I think she would have been put through a lot of tests with still a poor outcome. I also think if you had gone to [the emergency vet] sooner she would have died alone after you left her there… opposed to her being at home as long as possible.

I know you feel like you didn’t do enough. But there wasn’t a big indication….you didn’t miss anything….you noticed weight loss and got her started on a work up. This was a super super weird issue and I don’t think she felt bad until after she vomited……I know that doesn’t help a lot but I hope it helps some.

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