million dollar blanket

May 15, 2014 | Comments Off

sensory blanket

My back pain has been rather terrible both this week and last. I can’t even shake past it, not even for half a second, and that is so freaking frustrating. Also, the pills haven’t even been working a good portion of this time, so it’s just been me in quite a bad mood when I’ve been not able to sleep. The blanket you see above is something I got on my own. I discovered that depending on what type of pain I’m having that I like feeling pressure on my lower back. When Kip was alive, he used to lay on me there, and it was great! I thought about putting weights directly on me before, and I finally talked about a weighted blanket with my pain management doctor. Once she said that it wouldn’t make anything worse back there, Mark and I experimented to find which weight amount I preferred, and then we looked into getting one. I first heard about them from reading fostering blogs, as fostering is something I’d still love to do if my back ever miraculously improves. Anyway, parents get them for their children who have sensory issues, and I knew they could be made in whatever size with whatever weight. They may cost a gazillion dollars, but at least they are a one-time purchase. So that’s a plus in the back world. Now a minus is that the Opana I was hoping to get at a lower cost isn’t going to happen just yet. Maybe my doctor wrote down the drug name incorrectly, but I got a letter back that stated that I am “currently paying the lowest copay available” which isn’t true. It sucks to get this kinda issue now when my back is being extra tough, when I’m feeling extra horrible and worthless, and when I could really use something else to try. I could use the hope. So now I have a bunch of calls to make and blah, blah, blah.

Also, FYI, I’ve been trying to write about the day we lost Eva. I wrote the title of the post, and I looked up two things I want to include from an email I had sent. It’s a start, right? It’s just still all heart-shattering. With Kip I had time. This all took place in one day. Not long ago Sam galloped up the stairs just like Eva used to do. That’s something he’s never done before. That was her thing. She never really ran. She galloped! When he did that, my hand immediately went to my chest, it took my breath away, and I cried happy tears. To me, it was like she was saying hello. Today I was using the half bath, and I still turned around and checked it a few times before closing the door behind myself. She was always so fast and had a tendency to duck in there without us even knowing it half the time! I always opened the door to check to make sure I wasn’t shutting her in there. She also used to get so interested whenever she’d hear a baby cry. When the cleaner’s baby would cry, she’d sniff her face and hair and stay nearby until she calmed down. And whenever I’d have babies cry on my iPad via videos, she’d get up, come over to it, and rub her little orange head against it. She spent quite a chunk of time on top of the bedroom chair, looking out the window. Sometimes I still feel like she’s there. After she died, I didn’t feel her presence for a few days, and it scared me. I thought she was angry. But by that next Tuesday, I felt her, and I knew she was ready to be read by the pet psychic/communicator. I guess that makes sense because I’ve been told that they need time to transition over. Both feeling her now and having the other cats do things she used to do are so, so incredible.



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