“keep the faith”

December 18, 2012 | Comments Off

Just the other day my brother was fine with me not inviting my mother here for Christmas since it was “my gig” or whatever, but now he thinks I’m being petty and that I should suck it up. No thanks. Her special kind of crazy already ruined another family holiday (Thanksgiving, though I enjoyed the peace and quiet), and I’m not going to smile and put on a happy face anymore just because it’s what someone else thinks I should do. I want it to just be Mark and the pets – that’s it. If my brother stops by, he can have a sandwich and go on his merry way. If he cancels, he cancels. But I don’t want her negativity sucking the life out of me. It’s going to be hard enough here without my fat Kip. Also, speaking of my mother, she ordered us another gift basket from Wolferman’s. While I do like their stuff, I only like certain things. That’s why we never order gift baskets and just select our own stuff. It goes to show that she doesn’t know me at all. There’s honestly not one thing in that whole tower of packages that we’d eat! I’m going to give it to my cleaner as an extra gift when she comes on Friday.

Mark was a cranky nightmare last night. He’s doing an unfamiliar drive this week and had a headache, so we spent the night in separate parts of the house. I’m cranky too. My period wasn’t late after all. I misjudged what was going on. I thought I was taking this new progesterone cream on days 12-28 when it really is for days 12-24. So I thought I was waiting longer for it than I actually was. The cramps are atrocious and gross, but nothing is comparing to the back pain. The pills aren’t working, so it’s just another one of those days when I want to jump off the roof. Fun times. And I thought my watery eyes were from the eyelash serum thing I’ve been using, but they’ve been dripping all day and I haven’t used any serum since last night. I keep falling apart!

The furbabies are all fine. I’ve definitely noticed that Sam has turned into a cuddlier cat since Kip died. He’s spending more time with me overall, and he lays between us at night during tv time. He’s getting better with receiving kisses as well. I think he’s trying to make me feel better. They all seem aware of where their presents are stored, so I’m glad there’s only a few days left. I am not enjoying keeping their toys from them. Spenser recently started spitting out his pills, and it’s driving us crazy! It doesn’t matter if they are wrapped in turkey, cream cheese, or wet dog food. Right now he could really use a coughing pill, but he just won’t take it. That’s a trait he definitely didn’t get from me. While writing this entry, I thought to try peanut butter, and it worked! Whew.

The guy from the chronic pain support group finally called me back. He was having pain difficulties which prevented him from getting back to me right away. Been there, done that! They meet twice a month on weekdays during the day, and that makes getting there kind of hard for me, unless I were to take a cab. I mentioned talking to people on the telephone instead of attending meetings, and he said I was the first one to mention something like that, which I don’t understand how that could be. He’s going to bring that up as a future possibility for others to engage in. I actually would like to go so I could hear stories, get tips, get referrals for other pain management doctors, and so on. He gave me the name and number of his doctor, so that’s good to have if my situation keeps heading down the path it seems to be. He has had a pain pump for eight years now, and he’s had to have it drained twice, once because he was being overmedicated and the other because he had an allergic reaction to a medication. That all sounds like such a nightmare, but he’s doing decently with it now for the most part. He kept telling me to “keep the faith” and also suggested that I do the trial for both the pain pump and the spinal cord stimulator before committing. My doctor hasn’t mentioned the pump in awhile, and I’m thinking that’s probably because I don’t have any luck with most medications. Both options seem so scary to me, but so is the thought of staying like this for five minutes longer. The thing I still want to do next is the food allergy testing.



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