after getting Coach’s 50% off holiday coupon

December 1, 2019 | Comments Off

me: Ho Ho Ho?

mark: no, Ho!

body dysmorphia

August 9, 2019 | Comments Off

“Am I that fat?” is a question I ask Mark a lot whenever we see someone I think could be my size equivalent. He always says no, so I thought I’d change up the question.

me: How about you point out someone who is more comparable to me size-wise?
Mark: No, I will not. What kind of trap is that?

duck face innovator

June 24, 2019 | Comments Off

Who invented duck face? Take a look right over here at this, bitches:


This was taken in 2000 at the first of two parties I held for my internet friends/website readers. In case anyone is interested, the blonde was from California, the redhead was from Ohio, and I lived in New Jersey at the time. Tim from New Zealand and another girl from Virginia also made the trip. The rest of the attendees were local, iirc.

So was I the very first person to do duck face? Let’s just say yes and close the case.

side by side by side

June 24, 2019 | Comments Off

side by side by side

twenty-one years

June 24, 2019 | Comments Off

We had our 21st wedding anniversary on June 2nd. So I guess we are still going strong? Seems that way. What I do know for sure is that I can still make him laugh. Watch to the very end:


May 8, 2019 | Comments Off

I wasn’t going to post here anymore. In fact, I tore it all down for a few days. It just started seeming like a chore. But I know eventually I’ll be back as I have a lot to write about, including what a shit person my longterm vet turned out to be.

I found this quote yesterday that sums up what I’ll be writing about, “Her defiant obstinate attitude when she was told by his client was garbage behavior. She knew better and should have apologized and things would have straightened themselves out. But instead she played victim.”

And there’s a lot of other stuff, too. So stay tuned.

I first need to upload a bunch of pictures to Flickr (we had an early Easter for Lulu), update my pet list (it has meds, likes, dislikes, etc…) now that Lulu is in Furbaby Heaven, and finalize things with the person getting my pets if we die (it previously was Lisa, the vet). So yeah.

the deer whispering goes on

April 3, 2019 | Comments Off

I am still dealing with the bad news we got from the cardiologist for both Lulu and Oliver. I don’t want to write about it now, though. Putting it all on paper just doesn’t seem like something I’m able to do right now.

That being said, I am still deer whispering. These both took place tonight:

sad development

March 31, 2019 | Comments Off

Lulu’s congestive heart failure and kidney disease are not playing nicely together, and she won’t be with us very much longer. I am devastated and heartbroken.

ticket woes & ticket hopes

March 26, 2019 | Comments Off

Mark has had so many issues with the machines in both of our local train stations. He gets parking tickets that aren’t his fault, and it infuriates him. The most recent one spit out an error with time and date when he tried to input the two dollars, so he took a picture. When he got to work, he called them and told them what happened. They said they’d send someone over so he wouldn’t be ticketed – yet there was a ticket on his car waiting for him when he got home. I think there were two other similar-ish incidents, but I just can’t recall the details. Ugh. As for Mark, he finally listened to me and is now okay with putting out some additional stuff for our deer visitors. We bought a salt lick and corn for them, and both orders should be here by tomorrow. Also, he just made fun of me (again!) for the baby voice I use when talking to them. Well, when he went out with me the other night, he waved at them and said, “Hiiii!” – in a goddamned baby voice! He said the insanity was contagious. Speaking of tickets, he better not forget to get us a lottery ticket this week. $750 million? I mean, could you even imagine? I’d help so many animals, pet and wild.

It annoys me so much that I’m going to bring it up again. Twenty billion times a day I want to delete Instagram. It’s too much with all the fake photos that use filters, the “perfect” makeup and clothes, the so-called influencers who stage every picture, and overuse of phrases, such as #blessed, my truth, and trigger. It was over twenty years ago when I got an email from someone who was stalked and told me I shouldn’t joke about stalking my ex. Fuck right off with that. And it’s only gotten worse now that everyone everywhere can spout opinions all over the internet. This world we live in now is straight bananas.

In other news, I am grateful that I’ve been – about 95% of the time – able to immediately get a hold of my vet when we’ve had an issue/urgent issue. It’s usually done over FB messenger. The other night Sam was sitting in the litter box. He would get in and out, and he would make some complaining noises, too. He did that another time recently, I think. Maybe that was Oliver. I can’t keep track. Anyway, I couldn’t tell what he was trying to do. And we all know if it’s a pee issue that it’s an emergency. He takes meds to eliminate crystals in his urine, so she didn’t think it was that; his urine was recently tested, and there weren’t any crystals at all then. I decided to treat it as a poo issue (temporarily?) and gave him the medicine she suggested. I shut him in with just me and Lulu and waited for him to do something. When I turned the lights out, he got into bed with me and didn’t attempt to potty until morning. Then, I heard him pee, and he hasn’t been sitting in the box anymore. I still haven’t actually seen him do anything else, but he’s acting just fine again. Whew. As for my vet, I’m sure she regrets giving me her personal cell phone number because I text that if I see she’s not been online for a chunk of time.

The bottom of my feet are starting to hurt again. That’s just fantastic. I see my new primary care doctor for the first time in a few weeks, and I hope I can last until then.

I’m in a secret/closed raccoon group on Facebook. There was one guy whose stories I lived for. He and his wife live with raccoons, like really live with them. They are all over the attic and basement and some choose to share the house with them and some want to remain wild (they have the ability to go in and out through a doggy door). They recently saved one that was stuck in a well and brought him home with them, and he ended up so spoiled! Seriously, I read and reread his stories and loved his pictures. He, of course, named his raccoons and sometimes would ask for name suggestions. Two of them now have names I chose, Oliver and Dierdra/Dee Dee. Well, he died two days ago from cancer, and I didn’t even know he was sick. He never mentioned it in any of his raccoon stories. He seemed to be so sweet and nice, and I’m more than a bit heartbroken over this. I had just messaged him to ask for more stories, and I thought I was awaiting a reply. I don’t know. I’ll probably end up leaving the group. He was the only reason I kept up with it.

five poppy seed bagels

March 24, 2019 | Comments Off

Goddamn. At my pain management appointment this week, a glitch occurred. It’s something I’m rather nervous about. I get drug tested at every other visit, and I gave a urine sample when I was there. My insurance will only cover one test per year, and I get tested a lot more often than that. The office accommodates this by doing in-house testing the rest of the time. This was one of those times. The test, though, showed that I had morphine in my system. They checked it twice at my request. This means it’ll now get sent away anyway for the official testing. But morphine? I mean, I’ve been on morphine before, and it didn’t work. Years ago I had metabolic testing done for opiate breakdowns. Basically they got info from my body about what drugs should work for me and in what amounts. Morphine didn’t make the cut. I’ve been on tons of shit, but only oxycodone helps me. Weirdly enough, OxyContin doesn’t do anything for me. But, anyway, I’m really worried that I might not get my medication at my next visit because of this. They’re not going to prescribe stuff to someone who it seems is taking something they shouldn’t. My doctor asked me if I had cold medicine recently or if I had eaten five poppy seed bagels. I couldn’t think of anything that could have checked that box. On the way home, Mark remembered one thing that was different since my last visit: my local pharmacy used a different manufacturer for my oxycodone. They’ve always been tiny blue pills to me, but this time I got larger white pills. I even looked them up online to make sure they were still oxycodone. But, I mean, nobody is going to mix those two together in a pill, right? No. So what if the official test inexplicably comes back and says the same as the unofficial? I will be royally fucked.

Mark has been very chipper lately. He is quite close to paying off all the bills and credit card debt, so it’ll just be mortgage and regular bills going forward in the very, very near future. This definitely contributes to his newfound happiness, as well as the fact that it’s now spring and he’s playing baseball, umpiring, and riding his bike once again! While I dislike warmer weather in general, I like that he’s doing his thing. It’s good for him. And this time of year always makes things easier on me, as he’s always doing stuff now and no longer looking for me to be his entertainment committee. Speaking of Mark, he had those two tests done for the weird emphysema diagnosis that appeared on some scans. Now we just wait for those results. Hopefully his tests come back in the same manner in which my test does too – negative!

As you can see from the videos in previous posts, I’m making good progress with our deer visitors. They have been coming every evening at dusk, except for last night when they came a little earlier. Every night I’ve been going out with them – and getting closer to them each time. I started out right outside the front door, and now I’m almost off the long-ish porch and on the grass with them. As for kitty visitors, we still have Nabi and Sam’s Twin as the regulars. Moo Kitty has been around a lot lately. Casper/Sugar has stopped showing up; it’s been over a month since he’s been here, and all I can do is hope he’s okay. And a new one has shown up at night for the past two weeks now. He is all black and has white paws, a white chest, and white whiskers. He’s very fluffy and large, and this is why we are calling this kitty a boy. While I think it’s a girl, Mark thinks all big cats are always male. While that’s usually true, there are hefty girl cats out there! But I am just going with it. In fact, I even let him name this one. He chose Mr. Claus because the cat’s beard reminds him of Santa, and it’s now been shortened to MC.

Another thing. I know I’ve mentioned before that I sometimes feel a weirdness in my arms, like a heavy, tingly tension. That’s the fucking anxiety! I can’t believe that – for years and years and years – I didn’t understand what was happening.

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